Research statistics show that 68 percent of customers who stopped buying from a company did so because the supplier demonstrated an attitude of indifference toward the customer.
Although we spend 80 percent of our day communicating, most listening time has an efficiency rate of only about 25 percent. How can we be so poor at something we all do so often?
My associate and friend, Dr. Art Robertson, tried to answer that question, among others, in a book on listening titled The Language Of Effective Listening (HarperCollins, 1991). In it he explains that our poor track record for listening is a function of our selectivity, internal and external “noise,” and ambiguity associated with the words we use.
We listen with selectivity, listening primarily to opinions that agree with our own.
We evaluate selectively, interpreting messages the way we want to understand them and often adapting them to our own preconceptions.
We remember selectively, internalizing messages and retaining material that supports our own viewpoints and forgetting material that does not.
In addition, many internal “noises” prevent us from hearing — let alone understanding — what we hear. Physically, we may be tired, hungry, ill or uncomfortable. The environment may be too hot or too cold. Our minds may be distracted by an argument we had a few minutes earlier, or we may be working on an unresolved problem. Thinking about what you are going to say while someone is speaking distracts you from listening. Anxiety and ego tend to decrease what we hear even further.
In addition to the internal and external noises between the sender and the receiver, sometimes the message itself is “noisy.” Assigning meaning to words is an internal process, that is, meaning comes from inside us. Words stating similar messages have different types of meanings; for example, consider the very different images conjured by the words “burnt dead cow” compared with “broiled steak.”
Messages also have latent as well as literal meanings. You send as clear a message with your tone of voice as you do with your words. A message as simple as “Look who’s here!” can be laden with sarcasm, irony, or joy. Your voice’s tone, pitch, volume and modulation are the most powerful communicators of what you think and feel.
Messages, like words, have different meanings in context. Subconscious and emotional needs may influence a message. What a person says may not be what he means. A complaint about his work may really mean that he’s not getting along at home. Even those people whom you are closest to in your life will use words differently than you do, and you need to understand and overcome those differences. Words have no meaning — people give meaning to words.
The Benefits of Effective Listening
Effective listening goes a long way toward showing customers and clients an attitude of concern. It means increased cooperation and time management. Time saved translates into saved dollars, increased efficiency, and increased productivity.
Salespeople who listen more effectively sell better — and more. Effective listening is even good for your physical health. Your blood pressure rises when you speak and goes down when you listen.
To Listen Better
The word “communication” comes from the Latin root communis, which means to “have in common.” When you listen, look for common understanding. Effective communication is the ability to have a common understanding of the feelings and concepts being presented, in addition to the words being used. Objectivity tends to further increase listener comprehension. A person’s mind is like a parachute; unless it is open, it doesn’t function.
Recognize that, as you listen, you make many false assumptions. By identifying those assumptions as you make them, you can begin to become aware of your own listening impediments. Once you identify your assumptions, do something about them. Withhold judgment until you are sure of the message. Prejudgments need not become a roadblock to communication. To listen does not necessarily mean always agreeing, but it does mean that when you disagree, you disagree agreeably.
Tom Peters was right when he said “Communication is everything. Task, performance — and life for that matter — are simply by-products of communication patterns.” Listening is the foundation for all effective communication. What people say is important to them, even if it may not be as important to you. You can build their esteem and your effectiveness by learning to listen better. When you have mastered the fundamental skill of listening, you will have become an effective professional.