Stop Selling and Start Making Friends

I have been “selling” since I was 15 years old, reading sales books and magazines since I discovered them at age 20, and going to sales seminars and classes for more years than I’d like to admit.

A few weeks ago I realized I hadn’t used one single normal “sales technique” for years and my productivity has never been better! My usual “close” is a straightforward “So, do I get the order?” And because of the non-sales techniques I am about to share with you, this direct approach has been more effective than any standard sales subterfuges I was taught by so-called experts.

Building trust and confidence in your customers is vital, and the only way to do this is to build a relationship with them. When you make a cold call to a customer you are a stranger. Who is going to trust a stranger? We’ve been told since we were very young children not to talk to strangers. In addition, we develop fear of the unknown as we get older. So, in walks a strange salesperson and we automatically feel fear and distrust.

For years I had been taught in various sales seminars to ask questions and listen. Find out who your customer is and what makes her tick. This is fine advice; but, who is going to open up to a stranger?

What is equally important is to let the customer know who you are. We have always been taught not to talk about ourselves. I disagree. Start by telling them about yourself; and not just your business self. Find links. I don’t have one customer in Michigan who doesn’t know that my sister lives in that state. It’s something they always remember when I call.

Use anything interesting or unusual so your prospects can get a sense of who you are-something to remember you by. And not just about yourself-tell them about the other people in your office, too. When my boss went sky diving, I used that all day. Some people were thrilled and admired her courage, some were appalled, but they all remembered who we were.

Talk about your children and your spouses and I guarantee your customers will tell you about theirs. This is not going to result in immediate sales, but it will build a relationship.

We have different relationships with different people. We do not act the same or talk about the same things with all the people in our personal lives. With Aunt Mabel you may have a long conversation about her pet poodle. With your sport friends you may talk about how the Giants are doing. It’s the same with customers. It doesn’t work to just have generic “customer talk.”

Each and every customer is different and has different likes and interests. What works is to find out who they are, what their interests are, how you and your conversation can fit into their lives. You may end up with the same topic every time you talk to a particular customer, but that’s okay. That’s your conversational “comfort zone.” Soon you and your customer may even have your own private little jokes. One of my customers and I have a joking conversation regarding going out for margaritas; on Fridays we always joke about needing a margarita. Now, in the four years that she has been buying from me, we have never once gone out for a drink together-in fact tequila gives me a terrible headache-but this conversation continues; it is a bond, a link, a constant in our relationship.

Now I don’t want to downplay listening, as it is very important in building the relationship. But the more you talk about yourself the more your customers will talk about themselves. It’s the “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” concept. It is critical to know when to be quiet and listen, and to be sincerely interested in what they have to say. I personally love to hear about my customers, their lives, their families, what they do on the weekends. If you aren’t interested in people you should find another job. This is not something you can fake.

What really works is treating the customers the same way that you treat people in your personal life. Do the things that you know work in building personal relationships. The bottom line is, you must make these relationships as personal as possible.

Sometimes you feel that it is not worthwhile; that you are wasting your time; wasting your company’s time. I talked to one customer for almost a year and was close to giving up on him as a customer. I still wanted to continue our friendship but almost felt as if I should no longer use the company phone to make my calls. Suddenly I not only got an order from him, but a contract for all their computer equipment for a year.

Earlier I told you that my favorite “close” is to ask for the order. I do that because asking for the order is the easiest way to get the order. But-be prepared. You might get a negative answer. Are you ready for that? Don’t ever ask for the order unless you know that you can accept either answer graciously and courteously. Remember, the idea is to build the relationship and if you can’t take no for an answer you will not sustain the affiliation with this customer.

Always be someone that your customer looks forward to seeing and hearing from; not the salesperson who is always complaining about not getting the order. It’s O.K. to show that you are disappointed, that you wish you had gotten the order-but, keep it light.

The last thing I want to share with you is that it is you that the customer buys from, not your company. Working for the right company is important; it must be a company that has the same philosophy that you have regarding how the customer should be treated. But it is you, your friendship, your relationship that will make you successful.

Seldom do customers remember the great sales pitch, the marvelous company that you work for or even the incredible product that you are selling. They do remember that you play tennis on the weekends; you were born and raised in Idaho; you have a dog named Brutus; you both share a love for camping.

A customer doesn’t have a friendship with an inanimate object, the friendship is with you, the salesperson, with emphasis on the person. Instead of being manipulative and trying to remember the latest sales technique, all you have to do is be a friend.